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If I were a stand up comedian, my opening bit would be something like this: Have you guys ever peed? For me its like one of the hardest things. For the life of me I can control that stuff, it just goes everywhere. Either that or it just leaks randomly and slides down my legs. Someone once told me maybe its because I'm usually drunk. But the worst is after you have sex. I remember when I was a teenager, my dick grew out to its full size, and I was finally starting to get the hang of this thing. Then sex started. Damn dude, after sex that shit is so far outta whack you think its never coming back. My dick usually feels like its inside out, which sometimes really happens if you put the condom on too tight. Also, never put a condom on when soft, and then think you're gonna harden up and fill it up just right. Nah, that never works. Specially if its muggy out. Going raw, once in a while you can escape and the pee afterwards aint bad. Unless its anal, cuz there a good chance you might have a chunk of corn caught in your dickhole or something. That aint right. Whenever I do anal I feel really bad for the pussy. Its just chillin there, feelin betrayed. "Why dont you want to visit me?" And I really have no good reason why I'm not visiting you, bro. I can't think of one legitimate reason. Its times like these where I wish I had two dicks. I always wanna pull out and go back to the pussy. But my girlfriend is like, hell no we can't risk the germs. So thats usually what I do when I visit hookers. Yeah, my girlfriend doesnt know about that. Cuz I do it during work hours. My boss doesnt know either. He thinks I take a long poo every morning at 10:30am. He doesnt know I'm in the alley with a variety of women, right next to the pregnant street dogs. You know, the best hookers act like they dont want money at the end. Like, pay me when you get a chance. IF you dont do that, I think hooking really isnt the trade for you. Customer service should be a higher priority.

-Tupac was famous for the quote "Ride or Die". What most people don't know was that he was talking about his side hobby. He was an equestrian at heart, and quite talented, but sadly he was taken from our community too soon. -One big turn off for me is a woman who smokes cigarettes. Unless she is really, really hot. Then its really not a big deal. Heck, if she was really, really hot. I'd even let her qweef on me. -Today I saw a woman who had breasts so large and fat they were literally the size of two watermelons. Her ankles were rather small though. I think modern architecture could learn a lot by studying the bodies of obese American women.