Mindful Musings

-Where is the best place to masturbate? Many have asked. Some think its in the bathroom. Others will contend that its in the park. The correct answer is in a clean pair of business socks.

-You know how they recently discovered some lost books of the bible in a cave in Jordan? I bet one of the new commandments is "pussy has no face".

-The other day I was reading my friends "bucket list". One of the things was: Figure out way to have sex while cleaning ears to achieve ultimate orgasm.

-You know that rap song "back that ass up". Imagine if that guy was a back guy, not an ass guy. "Back that back up" would've been a cult classic.

-The actual reason why people go insane is because they forgot to masturbate that week. Once you go a full week, I think, that's the point of no return. You've shunned logic at its most basic core and now anything goes.  I personally have never gone more than 3 days, but just the taste of that third day scared me stiff.  I think this is one of the reasons why I am so calm and able to think so deeply and rationally.

-At parties, I sometimes like to tell people that my mom was an artist. I tell other people that she worked for the CIA. I wasn't lying either! My mom was a torture artist.