Cleanliness

-The other day I was picking my nose in the office.  I had already gotten all of the surface crusties out, so now it was time to get the deeper diamonds.  The deeper you go, the more well formed they are, so if you are sticking your finger in there without a decent bit of nail for your shovel then you are kind of out of luck my friend.  Too big of a nail and you risk an awkward nosebleed.  "Oh hey whats wrong?"  "Danged change of seasons, always makes the nose bleed."  But its mid summer.  And my nails are really short, so to compensate I gotta stick the finger in extra deep and swirl it around to create some friction and force it out--all the while hopefully not forcing it deeper, in which case it will have to be sneezed out.  If you use your index finger it might look to a passer by like you are merely scratching the nose.  But at this point I am using my pinky finger to get deeper in there and get this bugger.  And noone uses a pinky for scratching, that's just silly.  So this nosy girl comes over to me and says Gross!  What are you doing?  I'm like dont worry about it.  Did you know in Thailand this is considered a sign of cleanliness.  Thats actually true.  So now I guess I have to live the rest of my life by Thailand rules so I don't seem like a hypocrite.

-I recently realized the secret to why southern women are known as being so friendly and hospitable.  All fat women are desperate for a man.

-I would talk to myself, its not that I am against this practice.  Its just that I have nothing to say.

-The most common place that people use their Iphones is on the toilet.  So when someone's like yo let me borrow your phone to check the weather, I'm like, ok, but FYI, I just gave myself a blumpkin using that.
 

Business ideas

One thing that has recently been brought to my attention.  Is pointy shoes.  You ever see someone with really pointy shoes.  Its like hold up, is that a witch?  Nah thats just a CEO or some shit.  I think, once you get promoted to upper management, they are like right this way sir or madam, and bring you to buy shit like this

So if you're looking for a way to quickly get a leg up in the business world, give pointy shoes a try.

Heh

OIIIIII

Cool story bro....

A crowded cemetary facing west.  Rows of worshipers encircle the tomb thereafter.  Red and yellow hay in the sky.  Each night the ground becomes damp as the sky dries.  His listful words drifted and glistened on the edge of the door.

"Forget eternity.  Passivity is perfect, and longevity awakens the soul.  Orange peels scintillate our bare feet, transporting the spirit to new levels of gratitude."

Winding up the clock, listening to each tick.  Flick the leaf falling skyward.  Empty letters leered behind dark corners, cementing your skull with your eyes half buried.  Conditioned from a young age.  Disaster strikes those who wait for it.  His body was fully extended, muscles in the lower thigh activated and pulsating.  Baggy clothes hide the definition and meaning.  Wandering, flowing, extracting ethical boundaries in an attempt to allocate a hypothesis for future study.  When the mind follows a path of logic, every argument that follows might be false even though inherently valid.

Romance is the source of much confusion.  Contusion of emotion is inevitable.  Emotion is the incentive for your brain to do work.  Everything in life requires an incentive to operate.

"What is the incentive for men to do bad things?  The question is silly, there are many obvious answers.  What is the incentive for men to do curious things?  That is something I hope to quantify."

Unparalleled dementia and withering consciousness are some of the greatest fears for someone who is alive.  But what does one fear when one is dead or living dead?  Does fear exist, some would say not.  Imagine if the opposite were true.  Post life is a state of constant fear, blinding.  Fear experienced during life is a sneak preview for what awaits post life.  When a soul has no body, is the soul freed or permanently trapped in nothingness?  If one could chose nothingness or somethingness, which would the rational mind choose?

Creepin thru ya hood

-What's under neath a skirt?  Like really.  I'm not sure whats under there.  I'm dying to know the answer.  Literally its all I can think about.

-I bet if aliens ever came to Earth, the thing they'd find the most disgusting would be old people.

-What happens if in the future, they create a cure for aging?  It will be considered a crime to become pregnant, and masturbation will be finally allowed in public.

-If you get really fat and get one of those big ol' Santa Claus bellies, I think that's pretty chill.

YO